For the last ten years, I've nominated myself to be the honorary second in commend to the throne of Sweden and be titled "Jarl" - tha's right Jarl Figaro, after my favorite cheese - Jarlsberg.
This year's my best and last opportunity. I'm certain that it will be my royal ascension.
The big moment, - are you ready? I'm opening the box.
Yes, Yes, the letter's arrived, official envelope from King Harald V.
"It is with great pleasure to once and for all deny your request, the test results are conclusive, you are NOT the father of my daughter's daughter and therefore can NOT be crowned Jarl.
Find enclosed a two for one coupon at your local supermarket. Enjoy.
Wow, that's even better. What a great king.
*If you have not yet tried Jarlsberg cheese, please do so - it is truly the greatest cheese ever invented. It will increase your quality of life and add to the illusion longevity.
*Now that I am a vegan I try to not reminisce about my favorite dishes, as Jarlsberg cheese was top five fer sure.